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at: Horace Appleseed was a man with
lp: a deep affinity for fine wine, foreign movies, and belting out selections from the "Newsies" soundtrack at inappropriate times. Horace Appleseed was a man with no self-awareness, you see. When he was just six
at: Horace went on an African safari dressed like a Zebra. At age 8, he
lp: humped a Zebra while dressed like an African Swami. At 10,
at: he left Africa and went to Sweden to study Yoruba culture. Horace was an idiot. But he had a passion for culture and he wasn't about to let his poorly functioning brain get in the way...until he met Harriet Flabbenstein. Standing a mere 4'3", Harriet
lp: was the world's most shrunken shrink. Employed by Horace's mother, Harriet and her associate Dr. Yuri VonKjdfjasiodfojrfnodsfnudapfelstreusel, the world's third leading analyst/therapist-- analrapist, if you will-- undertook a 5 year long psycho-analraping session with young Horace. During this time, they
at: surprisingly fell in love. Very rarely does a man enter an analrapy session and come out in love, but Horace was different. Previously he had devoted little time to self anal. He was too busy trying to soak up culture to anlarap himself at night. but when Harriet came along she gave him all the analrapy he could handle. She expanded Harold's colonized brain, and showed him tenderness that he had never known. As for why Harriet fell in love with Horace, that's a little trickier. You see, she had recently
lp: been cured of a lifelong penis phobia that began when
at: she watched Boogie Nights.