benny the barber.

j. hendrix and a. tolentino
dallas, tx (same apartment, same couch)
VULGARITY LEVEL: 1/10
DRUNKOMETER: 2/10

at: benny the barber was opposed to
jh: those sensations of sheer apathy that arise after an exquisitely crafted chili-bowl
at: but generally, like any whiskey drinking, cigarette smokin' man, he was pleased to do his job.
jh: Despite the intimidating, martial echo of his brown leather cowboy boots ("shit-kickers", as one with a different narrative voice might describe them) resounding like a
at: flatulent asthmatic banshee,
Jh: patrons of Nutty Jack Cutty's Custom Crown Haircuts found themselves more than merely comforted by benny's suprisingly smooth and warm hands on their heads, in fact they were even
at: inspired to rekindle the flame with ex-girlfriends, childhood friends, Jesus and other lost causes with his gentle touch.

larry the gnome.

l. parker, a. tolentino
dallas, tx / denton, tx (living room / )

at: larry the gnome was
lp: celebrating his allergies by taking a pleasant stroll through the forest on a Red Level Pollen Alert day. Suddenly,
at: a Claritin fairy appeared, but was immediately eaten by a bear. Larry could barely breathe. His nasal passage was as clogged as
lp: Marlon Brando's aorta. But Larry was a proud gnome and he knew he hadn't lived 683 years to be taken out by some measly microspore. Pumping his gnarled fists at the sky, Larry dared God, shouting

at: through his congestion, "YOU CAND'T STANDD IN MBY WAY ANDY LONGER! I'MB GOING DTO END ITD ALL!" Though God had given Larry a handicap, (s)he made the mistake of trusting him with a red button that read, "Push Here to End it All." Trembling with fear and rage, Larry reached inside his breast-pocket for the kill-switch...but it wasn't there.

lp: As Larry desperately rummaged through his neon NKOTB fanny pack, Stellone the Jewish Hobgoblin emerged from behind some nearby shrubbery. "Shalom!" said Stellone to the Gnome.